its been a little over a year i thought that id commit myself to a man i had met. I cant tell if this is a good idea. he is sometimes too childish for me. too obnoxious. too belligerent. too not like me. his child threw a fit at the beach while i was drunk and high. i think people knew. he thinks im crazy. i think hes crazy. i dont think we are right for each other yet we seem to cling onto each other with no plans of letting go. we both know we have fallen in love. but i feel too young to settle down. im 19. i will probably fall in love with someone who actually loves me back the way they should. webcaming has gotten better though. ive been having more fun. im more open to kinky stuff, like swallowing cum. my least fav, but you have to do what you have to do. im more annoyed by people trying to converse with me on the site while not pay. i think some people like young girls, maybe younger than me. there seems to be a lot of incest fantasy going on that site and maybe even some extreme small penis humiliation. i cant be dom, i can only be sub.

i cant remember feeling this tired before. i sleep and sleep and still dont feel any better. my life has become a search for happiness in a place i thought would be pure happiness. living away from family feels refreshing but living next to some who isnt reminds you of how little people can respect people they dont truly love. i met bryan in october of 2014 and we have been together since.maybe its time i pack my bags i am not sure...

worried

i confuse myself. i have weird fetishes i dont like talking about. i know they exist but i dont like they being there. i dont like them being a part of me. i feel like i should burn. i feel bad. shamed. unevolved.

webcam?

i am a webcam model now who lives with her boyfriend. hes 26. im 18. i work full time at home it gets pretty lonely and frustrating. i have major anxiety now but at least for the most part my depression from childhood has subsided. i am forced to be a dirty talker and do small penis humiliation for my site, two things im not used to i really need guidance.

i keep hearing whistling outside. its really fucking creepy and im scared if im just imagining it or if its real either way its just fucking scary.

im moving to new york. i hope weed is cheap there i hear its not and everything is over priced. it will be the first time i go live on my own, well away from home. after a few months i plan moving else where maybe baltimore? i dont know for sure yet, id rather not worry. im trying to convince my mom to take me to the LGBTQ pride parade this weekend. she keeps saying maybe. that always means no. i came out to her wen i was 11 or 12 i cant remember but wat i do remember was being told i was crazy and that in time i will change and bisexuality doesnt exist. we never talked about it since then. i am unsure if i should talk to her about my sexuality again. it doesnt bug me that she is this way, fuck i dont even care i just wanna go to that parade to support my people. since im moving though im having a party. i hope there is drugs and beer. i also hope i get laid given it would be my last day here ... preferably a girl? i am excited for all this to come but for now i am out of weed and money and drugs and almost out of cigarettes. being bored unemployed watching netflix all day with no drugs is boring and i hope my move will bring me fun im not sure yet and new yorkers scare me.

first post

its kinda weird introducing your first post. its too much pressure to do normally. unless your not awkward. but i guess i kinda am. i live in california, southern california. so yea i smoke pot and do other californian things, like live by the coast and say dude too often. im bisexual. i struggle with my sexual temptations. and struggle with socializing normally because im just too gosh darn self conscious. thats all for now